Dr. Amy Stark
Child Psychologist, Author & Speaker
Teaching Families How to Live Divorced
and Self-Esteem for Girls and Boys
Food For Thought
So, now that sexting is all over the news, what do you say to your kids? To your teens, who already knew about it by the way, you talk about self esteem issues involved. When you feel you need to send pics of your privates over the cell phone or internet, that's not a relationship. It's not something that is going to make that boy you think you like take you out. It's not a way to maintain a connection. Sadly, an adult male who does this has problems and needs therapy and an understanding about his own inner drives and the consequences of them. That is a large part of the education for the kids here. It did come back to bite him. This is a part of the message to the kids…what you post, or send out can come back to you later in ways you never anticipated. The other part of the message is why you would do something like this, what it means about commitment and why the way it happened is more sad than exciting. It means to examine in your relationship what is cheating for you, how far would you go for an attachment and what the price is for a quick fix on the internet. All worth examining. For your girls I say this, if you are feeling you need to send your boyfriend pics of yourself to keep him interested, he is not interested in you for the right thing and he will flee as soon as he scores. The right guy will pursue you in his own way…and if he has learned anything from the most recent scandal, it's not with sexting. We have all done things to be loved or convince others to love us…and everyone knows that they don’t work. When we need to convince others or ourselves of our worthiness to be loved, it means it is time to go back to the drawing board and do some inner self esteem work.
Dr. Stark's Web site is not intended to take the place of a court-ordered advice or the advice of another professional. Although you may use the input found here to your best advantage, we recommend that you do so in conjunction with the work that you are doing with your individual therapist. Remember: this Web site is not therapy; it's knowledge and support.
Psychologist License PSY7828, California213 E City Place Drive
Santa Ana, CA 92705